Friday, October 29, 2010

Education Redux

Ah! Hello! Welcome to our school. I see you brought your things. No need for those, just leave them at the door someone will dispose of them for you. What's that? You want your possessions upon graduation? No, no, you will not need those. We will provide you with everything you need to be successful in this world. After all, that is what we are here for. Please, allow me to give you a tour.

To the left you will see our classrooms. Yes, that's right, they are all the same. They are designed to facilitate learning without distraction. No, there is no window. After all, the outside world would inhibit the learning process. This classroom is for Manners Instruction. We teach you how to be polite in all sorts of settings. This way you will be able to behave like everyone else and not cause any sort of grief or disruptions. We can't have that, can we? Over here we have the reading and language room. Here you will learn the intricacies of language and how to speak properly in modern society. Our goal is to make it so you will speak like everyone else. If we are all speaking the same language there is no room for confusion. Did I make myself clear? These next series of classrooms are for your mathematics, science and social studies. Everyone studies the same subject matters throughout their four year stay. This is to facilitate unity in graduates. What's that you ask? Oh the uniform. Yes, we discourage individuality here. This keeps everyone on a level playing field and allows for equal opportunity for all.

You scoff at this? Well, I will have you know that our system is tried and true. We produce thousands of graduates a year. All of which are positive contributors to society. Our level of success is 100 percent. How is this accomplished? That, my friend is pretty simple. We use a state of the art…wait, I get ahead of myself. We will come back to that. For now we must continue with our tour. Shall we go to the dorms?

Here is where you will sleep during your time here at The College. You will find all rooms are equipped with the same: A bed, closet space for your uniforms, drawers for your undergarments and of course a learning node. You will see also that only approved items adorn the walls. We can not allow for outside influence here so nothing improper as decorations. Down here to the right, it is to the right in every dorm, is the tutoring area. Here you can plug your learning devices in and review archived seminars from your day's instruction. We encourage this of everyone.

Let us venture out to the exercise area. At The College we expect everyone to maintain a high level of physical fitness. Through these doors is our weight room and running machines. Students are expected to be able to lift a certain amount based on their muscular frame and be able to run a distance in a set time. We accept no failure here so we have certain ways of motivation. Over here we have organized team sports. Everyone is required to participate. You will notice that we have created ways of moving through the game through scientific experimentation and all outcomes should be predetermined. No surprises here. So now that you have seen our facility let us discuss your admittance.

The College is an institute of higher learning and, just as equally, an institute of high human behavior. We strive for excellence here and because of such we must have your absolute focus. Nothing can distract you while here; or, for that matter, in your efforts after graduation to be a productive member of society. As I said earlier we have a fool proof way of getting our results. I think it is time to get you acquainted with those. Please have a seat.

Once you are admitted into the college you will undergo a reset program of your brain. A device will be inserted into your frontal lobe which will effectively wipe out everything you have learned. This will not include your basic human functions such as walking and talking. It will however remove everything you have learned from your parents, society and schools. This gives us the proper canvas onto which to paint our design. No, don't get up. You already accepted when you came in to our doors. After all, you applied to us. As I am not one to waste time, your indoctrination into The College shall commence immediately. Now remember, this will hurt… some.