Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Jab, hook, uppercut

So I got my column done on time this week. Which means I won’t have to be up at 6:00 tomorrow morning frantically searching my sleep-filled brain for a topic in which to bore my readers with? Not that this column this week won’t bore my readers, all three of them, it just means I won’t have to get up early tomorrow. Guess what… I still will.

It happens as we get older. We wake up earlier. Well, most of us do. Come on, you know what I mean. How many of you know that 35 and older person who is always up before the sun? You know that person who wakes the rooster to crow. My dad1 He is up at 4 a.m. Hell the rooster gives him the finger. And dad is retired.

But anyway. I have been having a bout of, well, I don’t know what lately. I am pissed off because of the actions from one fury little animal. But it seems to me that I am beyond any reasonable measure of being pissed off. I am lashing out at things that quite frankly I shouldn’t be doing. I am saying things that, while I may mean them, I would normally restrain. Christ, I am being a total fucktard! Not a good thing.

It’s odd because I feel like I have very little control. Something that is quite frankly scaring me. I have thoughts right now that make no sense and, although I am controlling them, I can feel them taking over.

I have found that when I start to get this way I am overly hungry. And for no reason. I eat a decent lunch but yet my stomach is rumbling and I feel overly anxious and nervous. Now, don’t get me wrong, this isn’t an everyday thing. It is usually amplified by something-something that perpetuates these emotions and sends me into a downward spiral of emotions.

Christ, I know what it is. I am borderline diabetic. No, I have not had that confirmed by a doctor but I know the signs. Lightheadedness, anxiety, mood swings, shakiness. Yup, I am getting them all. And why shouldn’t I? I am overweight, a lot, and I am not eating the greatest.

I find that I am at my best when I have been careful with my food intake and I am exercising regularly. Oops, I haven’t been doing either. Time to get back to it.

My hope right now is I can lick it before it licks me. So come on diabetes hit me with your best shot fucker! Because guess what? I hit back!